Puwede palang wala e...

Hoy! Hoy! HOOOOOOOYYYY!!!

Okeeiiiiii!!! Okei! Okei! I'm back!

Back from where???

Wala naman...back to normal, or puwedeng abnormal life, I'm texting again, sinasagot ko na ulit ang cellphone ko, nag-online na'ko ulit sa facebook at nakikipag-chat sa mga tao sa ym. Eventually, lalabas na'ko ulet ng bahay.

Lately I've been kinda confused. Parang hinde ko alam ang gagawin ko, I felt lost. I just felt like hiding myself from the world. I was so lonely inside. Parang there was no other way but hide and live by myself. I wanted to conceal all the things I've been thinking and keep all the pain that stoned me.

Parang having friends or talking with friends won't help.

Yes, IT WON'T HELP. I thought to myself.

Parang going out and making myself busy won't change it.

Yes, IT WON'T CHANGE. I said to myself.

No one can help me, no one can change how I feel. And ayoko ng ganong feeling. Na parang walang nakakaintindi sa'ken. Na walang nakakaalam ng nararamdaman ko.

I think people are so INSENSITIVE.

So why tell them...they don't know and wouldn't care anyway!

I HATE FORCING PEOPLE TO LIKE ME.

I HATE FORCING PEOPLE TO CARE FOR ME.

I HATE FORCING PEOPLE TO LOVE ME.

Yes...it was like 3 or 4 days...I was full of hate. Full of anguish, resentments and pride.

Para akong kontrabida sa teleserye, puno ng galit, puno ng hinanakit ang kalooban kaya kung hinde man maghiganti ang gusto, maging sarado at matigas ang loob ang kahihinatnan. I felt like my heart was stone cold, I never wanted the feeling of warmth, love and friendship...para saken, KAPLASTIKAN lang 'yon.

Missed calls, few messages received, wala ni isa do'n ang sinagot ko. Wala ako sa mood, period.

But then...tsk...nakakapagod din pala.

Nami-miss ko matuwa, tumawa ng malakas at maging masaya.

I got 2 messages yesterday...greeting me "happy birthday!"

I wanted to go back to that feeling...hate.

WALA TALAGA SILANG KUWENTA...kahit birthday ko, hinde nila alam.

Next week pa! Shet!

Haayyy...pero natuwa din ako...may nakaalala na...kahit maaga pa. Parang hinde naman magkakilala ang dalawang 'yon, pero pareho sila ng tinext...I don't know what's with the day...siguro pareho lang silang tanga.

Yon siguro 'yong nagpabalik saken sa katawang-lupa ko. Nagpagising saken sa isang malungkot at madilim na panaginip. Nakakamiss ang totoong buhay ko.

Kaya di na baleng walang nakakaintindi saken or walang nakakaalam ng pinagdadaanan ko.

Di na baleng walang makikinig. Di na baleng walang may pakialam.

Ang alam lang nila masaya ako. Yon naman ang importante. Yon ang mas makakabuti.

Sa ilang araw na hiniwalay ko ang sarili ko sa mundo, may mga bagay din akong napagtanto.

Puwede palang walang facebook, ym at cellphone e.

Puwede din palang parang wala kang kaibigan at matatakbuhan.

Puwede palang parang mag-isa lang ako sa buhay.

PERO MAHIRAP...

AT MAS MALUNGKOT.

PERO ATLEAST 'YON...

...PUWEDE.